My Apologies

Dear Amigos & Familia,

I want to apologize for not writing on here in so long. I am going to have to make this quick but i wanted to update you on everything going on. Last week was our last week of lecture phase and we are heading into our outreach phase. for those of you who have not heard i am going to China. i know crazy right. when leaving for Brasil i thought i was satying here to so my outreach but funny how things in your life change when you let God lead. I did not mention this before because i was being stubborn and didnt want to admit it. God really shock me and chnaged me through this porcess of going to China and i must admit that there are times when i still doubt my calling there. but that is silly and God has given me many opportunities to hear Him clearly. I have had more opposition with this situation than anything in my life but i find that the more you become on the right path the more the enemy will try and push you down. i am confident and strong in my Father, he has given and provided for me in ways unimaginable. when i get home i will be able to share specifically with you. i am leaving next monday. i will not be taking my computer because its currently not working. i will not have a computer untill i return to the states so my blog may not be updates for awhile.

i love you all and i will update as soon as i have a chance to use a computer.
Please pray for out saftey and time in China.
May God bless you with lots of Happiness
Aisling

A Little Lesson in Love

The other day in class we were asked to bring in two items.

1. something that represents something that you love about yourself and the way God made you

2. something you are learning to love about the way God made you

SO I BROUGHT…

1. My journal that Amanda made me. I told the class that it represents the ability God has given me to express myself through my words.

2. This item was a little more difficult to come up with. In fact as our instructor told us our assignment I instantly started praying for God to provide me with a perfect item to explain what He is teach me. I went to my room and looked through my stuff completely clueless to what I should bring. I finally decided just to sit down and pray. As I sat there I was listing things in my head I could bring in: a piece of my clothing, my glasses,  a picture of the place I’m from, my make up bag, my face wash( haha), a picture of my friends, etc… and then it finally hit me, Why don’t I just bring myself up there. When I thought it was as if God stared speaking full sentences to me. “Aisling, this is your answer! Just bring yourself, because really what is the biggest thing I am revealing to you right now? Yes, it’s to love yourself just for you. Yes, all those things you listed are things I have taught you how to have love for, but they do not make up the person you are.”

So we got back to class and our instructor asked me to chare. I showed my journal and explained and then I got more serious. I sat everything down that were my hands. I said, “As you can see I only brought one more physically thing up here with me to represent what God is helping my learn to love, and that thing is Me! I am learning how to love me, just plain me. Not for the thing I have, the people around me, the things I wear, the way I look, the relationships I am in, the place I live… No, what God is teaching me is to love Aisling Joyce Ballard. Simple and plain.” I raised my hands above my head and said, “God I teaching me how to love ME!” and what a true statement that is. The first few weeks of DTS I asked God to teach me what it means to love, so that I could love those around me properly. This week I truly feel that God is revealing to me just the concept of His indescribable, incredible, unfailing love He has for me. With this knowledge I am starting to grasp this concept of loving myself just as much. For honestly one of the first times in my life I feel free. I don’t have to work for ANYTHING! Because all that really matter is that my Father loves me. And I don’t have to lift one finger to receive that. His love is freely given and rested so gracefully on my shoulders.

 

With love from my Papa(God) I am capable of loving you with all my heart,

Aisling

I read this prayer today and God broke me, i would now like to share it with you...

"We would be still and know that You are God- King God, Supreme in Your authority, the ruling, the reigning monarch of this universe, timeless in Your existence, ingenious in Your creativity and with totality of ownership. We stand in awe of You, as we contemplate Your awesome holiness, majestic splendor, blazing glory, limitless power and unquestionable sovereignty. We worship You for Your flawless character, Your infinite knowledge and wisdom, Your absolute justice, unswerving faithfulness, unending mercy, matchless grace and terrible wrath against sin. We bow our hearts and bend our knees before You as we acknowledge Your dazzling beauty, Your fascinating personality, Your incomprehensible humility, Your unsearchable understanding, and Your unfathomable love.We acknowledge that our greatest need is to have a far greater revelation of what You really like. We ask You to meet that need. We would also join with Moses and pray, " Teach us Your ways, that we may know You and find favor in Your sight." Thank You that You will answer these sincere requests, in Jesus' name. Amen"

Something I feel like sharing..

Here in Brasil i am keeping a personal journal and i wrote an entry a month ago that i went back and reread earlier today that God gave me some insight. I would like to share it with you. Sorry if it doesn't make sense to you or you don't agree.

January 29th

I feel like God is putting a lot on my heart today. i just keep thinking random thoughts that make so much sense but that have never crossed my mind before. "Isn't the goal of all Christians is to make Christ known." Its such an obvious statement but really is that what I"m doing with my life. People say all the time throughout YWAM, "to know Christ and make him known." and i guess i have heard it and it made sense at the time but i never got a very clear vision for what power and action it calls to all who claim to be followers of Christ. I call myself a Christian yet I curse,gossip, participate in degrading relationships, act out of anger, lust,etc.. What kind of Christ am i showing by those actions? I am using the word "CHRIST" in what i claim to be, but if anything i am making him look dirty and sinful. How do i live as a proper reflection of Christ?

this was my first entry. today while reading it God gave me more insight on it, an answer if you will. :)

March 2nd

I was reading a journal entry today that i wrote a long time ago about what it shows when I call myself  Christian. At the time of writing it I was correct by saying and questioning the type of Christ I show by calling myself a Christian. It's a great thing to continuously recognize that the way we lives, when we call ourselves Christians, is a direct reflection to non-believers of who God is. But I also think that God is really showing me a different side to that. as i was rereading my old entry something came to me. The whole significance of Jesus Christ is the fact that he died to make us pure, clean, and holy. when we call ourselves Christians we aren't saying that we are perfect, we are stating that we need Christ in our lives. Yes, our lives are a reflection of God. Our lives are a direct reflection of God"s awesome, indescribable, totally undeserved love for us. Love so strong he sent his holy son to die to make us perfect. 

I think what God is presently teaching me is that with my first entry i wrote it in conviction. i felt convicted for living such a sinful life, for being such a poor example of a believer. but with my second entry i wrote it through my experiencing God's tremendous grace. as Christians we should be convicted of our sins but also remember that you cant be weighed down by our sin. We are so dearly loved by our Father. Loved so much that he sees us as perfect creations. He accepts us dirty and sinful because of his unashamed love for us. Dang how powerful is that. We did nothing to deserve such a gift. 

Hope you all are well!

love you

My sincere apologies, I have not written on here in a long time. My internet connection at my base is not too reliable all the time and I just spent the last week in Salvador for a Carnival Impact event. There is sooo much to tell you I’m not even sure where to begin. How about I start backwards…

 

Salvador

If my information is correct, Carnival is a huge celebration that happens all over South America. It was started because of an event that takes place in the Roman Catholic religion that is kind of like a day of repentance. Now the week or so before this particular day people have a huge party in the streets and commit all kinds of sin so they repent for everything on that day. Its become one of Brasils biggest attraction for tourist, highest rate of conceived children, most violent acts committed, and many other crazy things. So my YWAM base, along with many others around Brasil, and a few different churches in Salvador to hold an Evangelistic event in the streets for a week. The month before we had been practicing dramas, skits, dances, and even circus act like joggling, swings, flags, etc..  We left for Salvador on Feb. 19^th and met at a Christian college right in the middle of one of the crowded streets of Carnival. This is the part where I start getting very honest, which you are more than welcome to judge my attitude over the last few days of this trip, since I certainly had a major reality check. With that said, I’m not going to go into great detail about every part of the trip but give you a nice brief summary of what took place. There were around 400 people all meeting together to do this outreach event and if any of you have ever been to Brasil you will know that Braizlians are not the best at planning things. Basically the trip was just extremely unorganized and a chaotic week, through this though God revealed a lot to me about my heart.

I have been saying for months now that I want to have a servant’s heart. I see all these people around me that are so ready and willing to serve the Lord at any given moment but honestly I never felt that I was like that. I would look at peoples spiritual relationships and be upset at myself and God for mine not being like that. I started to resent the place I came from and the way I grew up because I felt that my little bubble culture has made me such a sheltered person.  During this time in Salvador God shook me deeply. Everyday was a struggle for me. I was negative and complained about every little thing; the food, the rain, the schedule, the people, the bathrooms, everything you could possible think of I complained about. We were close to our third night there and I really just wanted to go home. I was angry that I felt so uncomfortable talking to people about God. I felt that I was being judgmental towards them and ruining their fun at Carnival. I got back to the college really late one night and decided to have some quiet time and journal. As I was sitting there I decided to pick up my bible and had this strong urge to start reading Jeremiah. As I started reading little flashes went off in my head and I just had to laugh at God’s wonderful timing. The first chapter of Jeremiah is where he writes to the people of Jerusalem when they went into exile. He goes on to describe our basic call as Christians is to evangelize to people. After reading the Chapter I had to stop and ask for forgiveness. How foolish I was to be so negative on a trip that was set apart to be for our Savor. How foolish I was to be making this trip about me, to be seeing what this place has to offer me instead of seeing what I can do with this place that I can do for God. I always said I was willing to suffer for God but the second I was put in an uncomfortable position I cursed him. I realized that the more and more I complained the further away I got from my purpose, and that was to share God with others and to serve him. I wish I could say that my attitude was instantly transformed after that revolution through Jeremiah but that would be completely untrue. We went out in the streets the next day to do more evangelism and I found myself again complaining about it being so hard to talk to people. I sat there mad that I had to bug these people with this information that most already knew and chose to ignore. Why would I want to make them feel bad? I wasn’t perfect myself, how could I judge their lifestyle choices. I kept asking God, “Lord, how do you want me to see these people?” “How do I feel the need to pray for someone but not judge them?” “Father, what does it mean to love people properly, love people like you love us?” None of these questions were answered until I came back from trip. I was sitting in chapel listening to my team members talk about their experiences and this woman said that all she kept saying to the people is that, “God loves you the way you are, you don’t have to wait till tomorrow.” Hearing this gave me the answer I have been searching for. I have been trying to figure out what love means. How am I suppose to love those around me if I can’t comprehend God’s love for me? This is still something that I’m slowly trying to grasp but God is steady in his guidance. This last week was a hard one but through my struggles I had wonderful breakthroughs.

 Love you all, hope all is well

Jesus Te Amo

The greatest week In Brasil..

So yesterday a big group of people from my DTS went into Recife to go to the beach. we left around 10:30 and walked down to the metro station and rode for about a half hour. it was awesome being able to see so much of Brasil all in one ride. you wouldn't believe how green it is here! Its like jungle with millions of shacks piled on every inch of the landscape. we got into Recife and took a bus down to a place called Bon Voyage beach(i dont know if thats how you spell it, my apologies.) The water was so blue and warm though extremely salty. We layed out, played in the water, ate tons of weird but great food, and went shopping. the Vendors here walk up and down the beach selling stuff so they bring all their items to you as you lay out. Evangeline, my roommate from Canada B.C, and i walked up and down the coast taking pictures of everything. i wish i could just explain how beautiful it is here but i find it impossible to put into words. i took tons of pictures but the internet isn't great here so i am having difficulty uploading them. we came back to the base around 4:30 and hung around till dinner. I am so sunburn its quite ridiculous, but hopefully it will turn into a tan soon so i can keep up with my bronzed Brazilian amigos. :)
this week was slightly difficult in class. on Tuesday i really left down and that i just wanted to go home and forget it. we were learning about the plumb line, which is basically a teaching about how past experience have made you a certain way causing bricks to build up in your life that bring you further away from God. we did many exercises this week to have God take hold of those situations, have the Holy Spirit make past situation present in our minds, and face those issues head on to seek forgiveness and strength to forgive. The Holy Spirit brought about some tough issuse that on Tuesday i was not ready to face. i rejected feeling any emotion towards them but anger, but as the week progressed God blessed me with the strength to brake those bricks down. We had a day of fasting, administration, and prayer on Thursday where we faced everything with our small group leaders and prayed over everything the Holy Spirit presented to us. This might sound ridiculous but i left that room feeling utterly clean and pure. In that room i felt that i had left every ounce of pain and anger that i had been holding. I felt and still feel that my heart is truly free and open to receive all of God now.

God is so great you guys. i don't know how many times i can say that. i feel unworthy of being here and having the experience i am having.

i love you all and miss you.
With Lots of Love,
Aisling

First Day in Brazil....Back track

Jan. 22nd Thursday- Jan 23rd. Friday(Day of Traveling and Arrival)

I was gonna blog on the website and this is just a copy pasted from word because Atlanta international airport charges $8 to use WiFi…lame! Anyway, I woke up at six this morning to get all my things ready to go to LAX. It was kinda weird but it was really hard for me to get sad about leaving. I haven’t really cried at all to be honest which is quite rare considering I’m quite emotional. haha I guess I just have had a lot going on preparing to leave and haven’t really thought too much about it. Also, how are you suppose to measure five months. In my mind I’m gonna see everyone tomorrow. So my plane rides went wonderful. On the plane from Atlanta to Recife I sat next to a girl who was from Brazil but had gone to school in the US for the last year. We became good friends in such a short time. She translated for me while people tried to tell me things. One thing about Brazilians I find is amazing is there openness and friendly domineer all the time. Just being on the plane three different people handed me there business cards and asked to keep in touch during the months I will be in Brazil. Getting off the plane was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. The leader from my YWAM base had forgotten to pick me up so when I got off the plane there was no one there. I sat down for awhile thinking they could just be late, but then realized I should probably call someone. My cell phone didn’t work nor did my WiFi on my computer. So I walked up and down the terminal trying to read signs in Portugese forever till finally I decided to find a currency exchange and just use a pay phone. I had to get a calling card to use a pay phone so I bought one and then coordinated through calling my mom in tears of frustration and hearing a familiar voice speaking English to me and called my base to figure out what was going on. There ended up being a miscommunication, as I have heard is very common in YWAM, and someone was on there way to pick me up.

As I rode in the car on the way to my base from the airport I watched a crazy chaotic city go by me which reminded me soooo much of mexico but more crowded if that even possible. When I got to my base I was introduced to tons of people and only one was from the US and only spoke English. It was quite intimidating walking into a room full of people and only two speaking the same language. At first I felt I made a huge mistake coming here. It was very hard to not want to take the easy road and go to an English speaking base. When I am open to learn people will be open to teach me and that is exactly what has happened. Brazilians are such friendly people and so open to help in whatever way possible. I room with four Brazilian girls and none speak English just a few words here and there. its very difficult to communicate the tiniest phrases such as “ leave the lights on” etc.. but we make do and try to understand each other. I have had everyone from my DTS personally introduce themselves and genuinely interested in my life. I am super home sick but its really awesome being in a place that is so warm. The people are just like the weather J

GOD is sooooo indescribably good!!!!!!!!

So I am extremely sorry for not contacting anyone yet besides my family but we haven't had the Internet working at the base here. we just got it last night and my computer literally crashed. I prayed sooo hard that it would work and guess what.. it just turned on so that i could get Internet access. wow! I can't describe how many times God leaves me speechless.
Okay anyway, guess what!! I AM IN BRAZIL! and i love it hear more than i could describe to you guys. God is doing amazing things to my heart. Not gonna lie its a difficulty of mine to let him brake me, that God is so evidently working on. I have been meaning to come to the Internet cafe in the town next to us but I have been so busy and I haven’t gotten a chance to change my currency. Anyway, I am here in Brazil!! Safe and completely joyful! I am currently sitting on the porch in front of my dorm writing this. The weather is wonderful! Its hot of course but its also very breezy and right now its raining, but it’s a super warm. Sooo wonderful! I am literally in love with Brazil and all the amazing people here as you will read in the journal entries. Love you guys and miss you soo much, but I am having sooo much fun. God is sooo unbelievably good!

So since I didn’t have Internet access I wanted to keep you guys updated on my first few days here so I wrote in my journal and I am going to transfer it into here. I will try to update tomorrow since its getting kinda late here. But its my first free day tomorrow so i think I'm gonna go to the beach. Hope your jealous that i will be tanning on a beautiful beach in Brazil tomorrow :)

LOVE YOU GUYS!

JOCUM (Youth With A Mission) Recife, Brazil