Troughs for His favor

"He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even in their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwoood. Our cause is never more in danger then when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."


The Screwtape Letters Ch.8
C.S Lewis

Maker's Hands

I'm currently at this point where my eyes are being uncovered to these things I have been so blind to over the years. Amanda and I have been talking over this desire we both have to be seen and how it totally consumes our focus at times. I have been praying how much I don't want to live this life anymore, just acting as if everything I do and desire is completely normal, going through the motions, settling for something far less then the goodness God has for me. I am starting to realize how this desire to be seen and have attention comes from where I get my value and worth. I look to other people and their opinions and thoughts of me to form my identity and value. How dysfunctional is that!? So if I walk into a room I want to look my best, act my best, portray this image of who I want to be and have people see me as, so that I can have the gratification of feeling that way about myself. How false and disgusting are these thoughts of mine? And how even more ridiculous that I have built so much of myself on these insane concepts!
Flee from my satan you only wish to harm me! To tell me lies about who I really am and my power! You can not control my life anymore by this selfishness and conceit you wrap my mind in. I am a child of God. He calls me His loving daughter. His heir to His throne. I am who I am because He made me that way. Not because people may or may not think those things about me. My value does not come from you or the world but from my wonderful maker's hands and heart!

I am His and He is mine.

J.O.Y

I just had this crazy revelation of something so simple yet so profound... JOY.
Such a simple word, used so often in our everyday talk, yet what a drastic effect it could have on our world. I was thinking about the people I am around the most in my life, my generation, and the majority of my peers and the way I show myself set apart from these people. I mean there should be some pretty obvious difference considering I believe in God and that Jesus Christ is my Savior and they do not. But sadly there aren't very many big differences in the way I live my life. I started to think about the way we handle everyday situations.. You know I think joy is something that draws huge differences. How often do I forget to have my first reaction be rejoicing and thanks giving, no matter what the situation. If I truly and deeply believe that my Heavenly Father loves me and covers over me with His all-satisfying , never ceasing grace and that truly penetrates my heart wouldn't my reaction to everything in life be JOY. Triumphant Joy!!! and how dramatic would that reaction be. So often I feel I have the right to be sad, mad to complain because everyone else does the same. When something hard comes along these are usually my first responses. But I am not like everyone else, I have the secret, I realize God's presence in my life so my first and only reaction should be JOY, rejoicing, happiness, thanksgiving. I think this would say something so much more profound about what Gods transformed in me then many other things.


JOY

My Apologies

Dear Amigos & Familia,

I want to apologize for not writing on here in so long. I am going to have to make this quick but i wanted to update you on everything going on. Last week was our last week of lecture phase and we are heading into our outreach phase. for those of you who have not heard i am going to China. i know crazy right. when leaving for Brasil i thought i was satying here to so my outreach but funny how things in your life change when you let God lead. I did not mention this before because i was being stubborn and didnt want to admit it. God really shock me and chnaged me through this porcess of going to China and i must admit that there are times when i still doubt my calling there. but that is silly and God has given me many opportunities to hear Him clearly. I have had more opposition with this situation than anything in my life but i find that the more you become on the right path the more the enemy will try and push you down. i am confident and strong in my Father, he has given and provided for me in ways unimaginable. when i get home i will be able to share specifically with you. i am leaving next monday. i will not be taking my computer because its currently not working. i will not have a computer untill i return to the states so my blog may not be updates for awhile.

i love you all and i will update as soon as i have a chance to use a computer.
Please pray for out saftey and time in China.
May God bless you with lots of Happiness
Aisling

A Little Lesson in Love

The other day in class we were asked to bring in two items.

1. something that represents something that you love about yourself and the way God made you

2. something you are learning to love about the way God made you

SO I BROUGHT…

1. My journal that Amanda made me. I told the class that it represents the ability God has given me to express myself through my words.

2. This item was a little more difficult to come up with. In fact as our instructor told us our assignment I instantly started praying for God to provide me with a perfect item to explain what He is teach me. I went to my room and looked through my stuff completely clueless to what I should bring. I finally decided just to sit down and pray. As I sat there I was listing things in my head I could bring in: a piece of my clothing, my glasses,  a picture of the place I’m from, my make up bag, my face wash( haha), a picture of my friends, etc… and then it finally hit me, Why don’t I just bring myself up there. When I thought it was as if God stared speaking full sentences to me. “Aisling, this is your answer! Just bring yourself, because really what is the biggest thing I am revealing to you right now? Yes, it’s to love yourself just for you. Yes, all those things you listed are things I have taught you how to have love for, but they do not make up the person you are.”

So we got back to class and our instructor asked me to chare. I showed my journal and explained and then I got more serious. I sat everything down that were my hands. I said, “As you can see I only brought one more physically thing up here with me to represent what God is helping my learn to love, and that thing is Me! I am learning how to love me, just plain me. Not for the thing I have, the people around me, the things I wear, the way I look, the relationships I am in, the place I live… No, what God is teaching me is to love Aisling Joyce Ballard. Simple and plain.” I raised my hands above my head and said, “God I teaching me how to love ME!” and what a true statement that is. The first few weeks of DTS I asked God to teach me what it means to love, so that I could love those around me properly. This week I truly feel that God is revealing to me just the concept of His indescribable, incredible, unfailing love He has for me. With this knowledge I am starting to grasp this concept of loving myself just as much. For honestly one of the first times in my life I feel free. I don’t have to work for ANYTHING! Because all that really matter is that my Father loves me. And I don’t have to lift one finger to receive that. His love is freely given and rested so gracefully on my shoulders.

 

With love from my Papa(God) I am capable of loving you with all my heart,

Aisling

I read this prayer today and God broke me, i would now like to share it with you...

"We would be still and know that You are God- King God, Supreme in Your authority, the ruling, the reigning monarch of this universe, timeless in Your existence, ingenious in Your creativity and with totality of ownership. We stand in awe of You, as we contemplate Your awesome holiness, majestic splendor, blazing glory, limitless power and unquestionable sovereignty. We worship You for Your flawless character, Your infinite knowledge and wisdom, Your absolute justice, unswerving faithfulness, unending mercy, matchless grace and terrible wrath against sin. We bow our hearts and bend our knees before You as we acknowledge Your dazzling beauty, Your fascinating personality, Your incomprehensible humility, Your unsearchable understanding, and Your unfathomable love.We acknowledge that our greatest need is to have a far greater revelation of what You really like. We ask You to meet that need. We would also join with Moses and pray, " Teach us Your ways, that we may know You and find favor in Your sight." Thank You that You will answer these sincere requests, in Jesus' name. Amen"

Something I feel like sharing..

Here in Brasil i am keeping a personal journal and i wrote an entry a month ago that i went back and reread earlier today that God gave me some insight. I would like to share it with you. Sorry if it doesn't make sense to you or you don't agree.

January 29th

I feel like God is putting a lot on my heart today. i just keep thinking random thoughts that make so much sense but that have never crossed my mind before. "Isn't the goal of all Christians is to make Christ known." Its such an obvious statement but really is that what I"m doing with my life. People say all the time throughout YWAM, "to know Christ and make him known." and i guess i have heard it and it made sense at the time but i never got a very clear vision for what power and action it calls to all who claim to be followers of Christ. I call myself a Christian yet I curse,gossip, participate in degrading relationships, act out of anger, lust,etc.. What kind of Christ am i showing by those actions? I am using the word "CHRIST" in what i claim to be, but if anything i am making him look dirty and sinful. How do i live as a proper reflection of Christ?

this was my first entry. today while reading it God gave me more insight on it, an answer if you will. :)

March 2nd

I was reading a journal entry today that i wrote a long time ago about what it shows when I call myself  Christian. At the time of writing it I was correct by saying and questioning the type of Christ I show by calling myself a Christian. It's a great thing to continuously recognize that the way we lives, when we call ourselves Christians, is a direct reflection to non-believers of who God is. But I also think that God is really showing me a different side to that. as i was rereading my old entry something came to me. The whole significance of Jesus Christ is the fact that he died to make us pure, clean, and holy. when we call ourselves Christians we aren't saying that we are perfect, we are stating that we need Christ in our lives. Yes, our lives are a reflection of God. Our lives are a direct reflection of God"s awesome, indescribable, totally undeserved love for us. Love so strong he sent his holy son to die to make us perfect. 

I think what God is presently teaching me is that with my first entry i wrote it in conviction. i felt convicted for living such a sinful life, for being such a poor example of a believer. but with my second entry i wrote it through my experiencing God's tremendous grace. as Christians we should be convicted of our sins but also remember that you cant be weighed down by our sin. We are so dearly loved by our Father. Loved so much that he sees us as perfect creations. He accepts us dirty and sinful because of his unashamed love for us. Dang how powerful is that. We did nothing to deserve such a gift. 

Hope you all are well!

love you